Do you want to know what makes me cry?

I don't cry much. I am not a baby any more so I won't cry when I get hurt or when I'm hungry. There is no special reason for me to cry these days. I'm happy and there is nothing in my life that warrants sadness to the point where I would cry regularly.

But if there is one thing that consistently made me cry since I was 14, that would be anything reminding me of my country. Maybe to put it better, what makes me cry is anything reminding me of the good old days and the events that caused many of my countrymen and I to move out of Bosnia, not to mention the deaths of many people because of a horrible war. Watching a Bosnian movie that relates to the war or listening to a song from the old days would almost certainly bring tears to my eyes. It is difficult to hold the tears when a scene like above comes on. Actually, it is almost impossible.

The scene above is from a Bosnian movie "Remake". It was made in 2003 and it is a moving story not only because it encapsulates the war in Bosnia but also because how the story is told. In the scene, a young Bosnian man is asked to sing a song in front of the Bosnian Serb soldiers. He chooses to sing a song called "Il' Je Vedro Il' Oblacno". This song is an old Bosnian traditional song called "sevdalinka" or "sevdah". These songs were written long time ago and tell various stories, mostly about lost love. Some sevdah's are faster and comical but mostly are slow and emotional. If I listen to a particularly emotional sevdalinka, I will try very hard not to cry.

Today is consequently the Bosnian Day of Mourning. The Bosnian government decided that 11. of July will remind the people of the genocide in Srebrenica. I guess I could not find a better way to express my feelings than to let you listen to this song.

By the way, the full version of the song was recorded by a band "Kultur Shock". I like this version so here is the link: Kultur Shock - Il' Je Vedro Il' Oblacno.

Music as I experience it

I'm back after almost two months. No excuses, just laziness.

Originally, this post was titled "Is music worth anything?". Honestly, I can't remember why I titled it this way and I can't remember what exactly was I going to write. It must have been something about how so much music is downloaded without paying for it and how it hurts the artists who are not filthy rich. Instead, I decided to write about something I said I was going to write about in one of my previous posts.

I know that I experience music differently than most people. I am not sure how many people experience the music like I do. I have met only few in my life and most of those were musicians. To put it simply, music makes me high. Whatever makes you high (including drugs), that's what music does to me. It takes me to another state of mind where my imagination runs wild. Feelings awake in me that I don't feel otherwise. If I close my eyes and let my body move to the music, I move in ways that if I completely let myself go, it can look pretty scary. I'm not talking about dancing but un-choreographed movements related to feeling the music.

I can go through a wide range of emotions during one song. It can make me feel happy, intense, angry, inspired, etc. All of the emotions can be overwhelming and exhausting. It's difficult to compare it to anything. It could be like finishing the most tiring sport match you can think of, winning or losing, depending on the song. The emotions can drain me or uplift me. The song can leave me thinking about something or, completely opposite, put me at peace.

I listen to music to release emotions, much like sports relieve stress. Just the same, I listen to music just to feel alive because allowing myself to let go while listening to a song lets me experience emotions I otherwise wouldn't. The music makes me feel alive!

My favorite song of all time, "Creep" by Stone Temple Pilots. Happy listening.

Murder by Death, a band I just discovered

Murder by Death

Oh, sweet Jesus! I discovered a great band by accident. Meaning, I wasn't looking for music or listening to radio but reading a posting on a web site about an abandoned coal mine building that could be used against a possible zombie attack. Weird, I know but anyway, the guy who posted the original post and the photo left a link to a song by the band "Murder by Death" for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with zombies. Maybe it was the name.

I clicked the link and was blown away, albeit slowly. You know how that goes, you first hear one song and you're impressed, then you listen to another one, and another one and every song you hear gets you more excited than the previous one. Man, I haven't been this excited about a band since I heard Clutch for the first time.

Thing is, discovering new music is bitter sweet for me. On one hand, I am so happy and exhilarated that I found a great band, that I heard new music that fulfills me, invokes some emotion in me, takes me to another level, basically gets me high with the opiate combination of vocals, guitars, drums, other instruments. Ah, I love that feeling, makes me feel alive! It's hard to describe for people who don't care much about music or don't experience it the way I do (someone remind me, I want to write a post about how I experience music). ... On the other hand, I am sad that I haven't heard the band earlier, when it was first formed. It makes me think about all the time I could have spent listening to this new music and all those feelings I've seemingly thrown away.

It's such a shame that I haven't heard this band earlier. There are no genres that can describe this band and there shouldn't be. Take them for what they are. Listen.

Murder by Death - Steal Away
Murder by Death - Brother
Murder by Death - A Second Opinion
Murder by Death - Dynamite Mine
Murder by Death - Fuego

Need more time in the day

I just got done watching Totenham vs. AC Milan game. Game started about 45 minutes after I got home. I cooked during the game, ate the food, read the mail and then relaxed and watched the game. You know what sucks? It sucks that after taking care of the laundry and reading some posts on reddit, it's already 10:30 pm. Now I wouldn't otherwise complain but I like to play the guitar and having a chance to do it this late at night without sacrificing other interests, hobbies, eating, etc. just simply sucks. I need more time in the day. I need to start getting to work earlier, leaving earlier, stop procrastinating and get the chores done faster. No more bitching about it.

I'm off to play my guitar.